So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
