You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
