I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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