I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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