Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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