? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
