you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
