There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
