You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
