Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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