I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
