I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
