Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
