i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
