the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So much rum. So many feels.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
