Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
