First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
