Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
