But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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