Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
