My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
