On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
