WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
