i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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