I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
