I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
