When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
