i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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