girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
