I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
