My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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