Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
