fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
