i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
