remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you traded sex for a burrito?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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