i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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