Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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