Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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