There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
