i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
