did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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