we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
