I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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