Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
