I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
