I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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