Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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