I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
