i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
