I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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