I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
