hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
