I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
