Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
