Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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