he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
