i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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