Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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